Bios Like most immortals (Pele, Madonna, Cher, CarrotTop), the members of Atomic VIPU are known only by one name. And in most cases, not even then. Meet the 2K3/2K4 Atomic VIPUers: Alex Most likely of Brazilian descent, Alex burst onto the club scene in 1984 with the North American Soccer League. While the league folded that same year, it is not normally implied that Alex was solely responsible. He often makes the best of a bad cross and is quick to protect his valuable head with a stylish winter hat following the game. Blair What he lacks in speed, he also lacks in flair. Blair has been a mainstay in the VIPU lineup since its inception last week, and is quick to pick up his teammates with a well-placed pass or cheer such as "Unlucky," "Nice thought," or "Jesus, you suck." Dan Self-proclaimed master of the leave pass, Dan is quick to find the net come gametime, and often points out its location to teammates. During the match, Dan is always looking for that extra heel pass or "humiliator" that will propel VIPU to glory and finally land him the Infusion marketing contract he sorely desires. Kelley With Kelley, there's always a Tourmobile around the corner, so there's never time to "take off" a play. Coming from the mean streets of St. Paul, Kelley knows what it's like to have nothing but a gigantic mall with an amusement park inside to keep you occupied. Her harsh reality has made this girl one tough presence on the soccer pitch. But off the pitch she is concerned about one thing: the children. Leana You think she's going left, she goes right. Think she's going right? She cuts left. And if she's coming right at you, you damn-well better get out of her way. A new acquisition for VIPU this season, Leana has proved to be well-worth the 5-million pound asking price from Leeds. Leeds, however, has been less than pleased with mid-season acquisition Scott Kirkwood. Michael Once compared to speedster DaMarcus Beasley, those comparisons soon faded when it was pointed out that Michael was white. Now he is more often compared to Peter Garrett, lead singer of Midnight Oil. Arriving on game day in style, Michael rides his chopper with the same ferocity and tenaciousness he displays on the field. Red light? Bah! Stop sign? My ass! Elderly woman?... Paul Universally unliked by teammates and the league, Paul's one saving grace is his command of the English language. His inspiring half-time speeches are all that keep him from relegation to the riff-raff league. That and his penchant for a deft touch and quality defense. Still, these qualities alone will not be enough to keep him on the VIPU roster should he continue his experimentation with viagra and necrophilia. Tara Taking control at the most important position on the field, Tara has been able to deflect the criticism from those who said a woman keeper in this league wouldn't fly, as well as she deflects shots from the opponents' boots. (Just take a moment to let that wordplay really sink in...). Some say Tara came to DC from a far-off island, where she spent her days batting coconuts out of the air. But others think she came from Pennsylvania. Only time will tell... Trixie Mimicking VIPU stars of old, Trixie combines all the best aspects of military guy, the oaf, and kneeling-down water bottle guy, and adds a little style to the mix. As much at home on the samba circuit as on the soccer pitch, she makes the art of the quick turn look easy. And if you absolutely, positively need a pizza, and you aren't willing to order it yourself...Trixie isn't one to drop the ball. Will Putting the Atomic in VIPU, Will comes to play each week, and he comes to play hard. Don't be surprised to hear a few doors slammed on the way into the box, or perhaps see a few bags thrown in disgust, or maybe even taste a fistful of justice as he beats the crap out of the stinkin' referee. But in the end, he's just as eager as everyone else to get back to the bar, and have a few. © 2004 :: Atomic VIPU :: NFMF