About VIPU And on the Eighth Day, God Created VIPU :: A History of Elite Pick-Up Soccer in Washington, DC Like the origins of the Earth or the universe, it’s hard to say just how and when VIPU began, but its seeds were planted on the Mall in the year 2001, when Airborne Booters like Dan Cooper, Mark Hertko, Beth St. Clair, and Aaron Shiffrin first started fighting off softball players for a piece of turf near the Smithsonian Castle. Lacking the skill to play on a larger field, and lacking any friends to invite him to play elsewhere, Scott Kirkwood joined this merry bunch of athletes every Wednesday night, and he was quickly drawn to the sport like Marion Barry to crack. Word soon spread to the members of DCGreen, Flirting With Sobriety, and others, and in no time the field was overflowing with countless players from the incestuous world of DC coed soccer. Willy Toribio brought his portable goals. Andy Reichert brought his removable hamstrings. Trixie Gavino brought her famous unstoppable spin move. On the last night of that fall season, the first Pickup Banquet was held at Red River Grill. Most of the participants were a little shy, afraid to engage in conversation beyond the words they had exchanged on the field, like "Drop it!" "On your back!" and "Cooper, you suck." But as the alcohol flowed and the nacho cheese coagulated, players reminisced about the season that had passed, sharing their hopes that the institution would flourish the next spring. And it did. The usual suspects returned each Wednesday evening. Kirkwood and Toribio arrived early each week to reserve enough space for the hordes of soccer lovers. Games of 7 v. 7 and 8 v. 8 were commonplace, and on more than one occasion, two games were played side by side. But Pickup on the Mall was soon a victim of its own success. There wasn’t enough room. The DCGreen players wouldn’t stop coming. (And they weren’t getting any better with practice). Random joggers asked if they could join in. Willy invited strange women who couldn’t play soccer for shit. We had met the enemy. And it was riff-raff. Needless to say, these developments frustrated Cooper, stymied Kirkwood, and generally pissed off Trixie (who is never very happy to begin with). But in this hour of darkness, these three individuals stepped forward to protect the institution they had come to know and love. Someone suggested a secret society of pickup. No one’s sure who first voiced the idea, for it at first seemed cruel and unusual to exclude people (come to think of it, it was probably Trixie). But weeks later, everyone was claiming to have proposed a special brand of pickup soccer for very important people - one that would trim the fat, lose the excess baggage, drop the dead weight, and yes, dump the riff-raff, so that "the beautiful game" would once again be beautiful. :: VIPU is Born Kelley as Headband Guy and Military Guy at a VIPU session in the Summer of 2002. The game would have to be played far from the group’s traditional stomping grounds, and on a different evening altogether. Beginning in early June 2002, VIPU was born. Nearly every Monday night since then, from April to October, a select few players have gathered to play the game on a perfectly sized pitch in front of the United States Capitol. Too small for softball, too far off the beaten path for most joggers, the location was ideal. VIPU was an immediate, unmitigated success. Ten to 14 players assembled every week, making Mondays a little less painful for a dozen devoted athletes. New players were added only when a sponsoring member of VIPU was willing to stick out his neck and vouch for their skills. Riff-raff were boldly turned away with the words "Sorry, we’re full," "Hey, this is a team practice," or "Man, I’d let you play, but that girl with the long hair would kick my ass." Rules were outlined and enforced. Because each player was expected to wear a dark or white shirt to clearly identify his team, the rule "grey equals no play" was soon set in stone. Because Cooper is a lazy bastard and prefers plenty of time and space to consider his first move, the "first pass rule" was initiated, meaning no defensive player may touch the first ball in play until a second offensive player has received the ball. Defense of any sort is discouraged. Slide tackles and other potentially dangerous plays are verboten. Throw-ins are considered strictly riff-raff, and nutmegs (or so called "humiliators") earn certain praise, even if they lead to no offensive opportunity whatsoever. VIPU’s reputation spread like the weeds on its playing surface. Tourmobiles stopped regularly and dozens of visitors took snapshots of the athletes and the sacred spot where they practiced their skills. Players flew in from thousands of miles away to join the game. VIPU flourished that first summer and fall, and the year ended with a celebration of the institution at a local establishment called Austin Grill. Awards were handed out, speeches were made, and more nacho cheese coagulated. Some of the players decided that the end of daylight savings time should not spell the end of VIPU, and an indoor club team was born, marking the first time VIPU would walk out of the shadows and be recognized as an official entity. Team VIPU played its games in Rockville every Tuesday night, but like all things Sportsplex, the winter of VIPU was disappointing. The team was often shellacked by ringers and house teams or forced to play at 11:30 on a school night. But the players bonded, their skills improved, and many game nights began or ended with beer, pool, and really cheap pizza at Atomic Billiards, VIPU’s preferred watering hole. :: Terrible Twos The next spring brought with it great anticipation, but VIPU struggled in its sophomore year. Players were exhausted from numerous games on the weekend and nonstop tournaments. Some were overwhelmed by long work hours. Still others were lost to the horrible, inexorable, time-sucking burden called "significant others." But the VIPUrs soldiered on. Fortunately, a small core of players lacked a social life, respectable careers, and any chance of attaining a significant other. These few hardy souls kept the fires burning, but it was not without sacrifice. In some cases, riff-raff raised their ugly heads once again, and we were powerless to dismiss them. Although Headband Guy, Military Guy and Little Asian Guy had not identified our secret location, a handful of joggers asked to join, one man played with a water bottle in hand all evening, and a man wearing sweatpants in July was allowed to play, due to a lack of other physically able bodies. On one rainy evening, a handful of players met at the pitch and could do no better than fashion a new game called the Circle of Death, illustrating their ineptitude while attempting to juggle a ball for more than 10 consecutive touches. But the last few weeks of VIPU 2K3 showed promise. Blair St. Amand established himself as a solid eighth man. Newcomers like Heather Frick and Caroline Joyce raised the bar. Paul Tierney returned to the fold. Brian flew in from Peru on more than one occasion. The sole member of riff-raff to be taken into the fold, DH20, is now a rostered member of Flirting with Sobriety. And a second squad of indoor players called "Atomic VIPU" has carried on the losing tradition established by last year’s team (but at least this time, they saved money on shirts and league fees). The next page in VIPU history has yet to be written. Will VIPU rise again next summer to return to the forefront of DC pickup soccer? Or will its loyal torchbearers be left to play some bizarre game of 3 v. 2 with an all-time offensive player? I daresay you, dear reader, hold the answer in that nasty old athletic bag you keep under your bed. We’ll find out on April 5, 2004, when it’s time to dig the cleats out from under the dirty laundry, grab a deflated ball, fill up a water bottle, and head for the Capitol. We’ll see you there. -Scott Kirkwood December 11, 2003 NFMF © 2004 :: Atomic VIPU :: NFMF